Haunted House

For as much as I despise autumn (sweaters and boots? Fuck that), I really love Halloween. Nothing makes me happier than trying to scare the living shit out of little kids. It seems to come naturally to me. Even when it's not Halloween.

I've been having some form of creative craving lately, so I decided to knock off a wreath that I saw at Fairfield Garden Center. It was done with black flowers, black feathers and had an ugly looking witch on it. I didn't care for the witch, so I thought I'd make one without it. I went to Michael's and purchased the items I thought would make a nice replica of my "inspiration" wreath. Natch, I spent more money making my own wreath than if I had just purchased the one I liked and ripped the witch off of it. Anyway, this is the final result:
The sun was shining when I took the picture, so the right side of the wreath looks a little gray. It's black, though. For my first attempt with a glue gun, I thought it came out fairly well.

The wreath making got me more into the spirit, so I did some more decorating. I put a skull with flickering red eyes in the picture window and hung some nasty looking bats over his head. It looks pretty spooky at night. I also got a few of those plastic window covers that have scary images on them. The light from inside illuminates them and makes it look like something ghoulish is looking out the windows. You can't see it in the daytime, so I'll try to take a picture at night.

A couple more pics of my Halloween House:

It's a Straight Deposit, People

Why do People assume I have nothing better to do but waste my time talking to them about trivial shit? I mean, seriously, I thought I had perfected the "I don't care about you or your issues so leave me the fuck alone" attitude. Apparently it was lost on the chipper little wench at Chase Bank this morning.

As it is Yom Kipper (Happy Day of Atonement to all my Jewish friends), traffic was very light and I had a little extra time to stop off to grab a bagel and then head over to the bank near my office to make a deposit. Most of you are aware of my distaste for The General Public. Thus, you may be wondering why I even had cause for any form of interaction with a bank employee. I'm aware that I can make a deposit at the ATM. That is my normal procedure. However, this morning I found myself short of the requisite deposit slip, forcing me into the bank lobby to gain requisite slip and make my deposit at the window.

Even knowing I had to deal with The General Public, I was certain the procedure would go smoothly as it was a simple straight deposit. No cash back, no questions, no problems. Once I filled out the deposit slip I could go right up to the window, slide my slip and the check under the 6 inch bullet proof glass, wonder what the hell was going on with all the intense tapping on teller's keyboard, then take my completed transaction and be on my way.

Yeah. Not so much.

I walk into to the lobby of the bank and am immediately greeted by two of The Bank Desk People, smiling widely and welcoming me to Chase. I should have known to run away screaming right then and there. Seems my BS radar needs a little fine tuning.

I smiled back and said "good morning," and headed over to the table to grab a deposit slip and fill it out. As I'm doing so, Bank Desk Person #1 walks over and says, "Oh, it looks like the sun is peeking through those clouds. It's going to be warm today, not like the cold day yesterday." Why I did not level her with the Back Off Bitch Death Glare is beyond me. By my acknowledging that it was indeed becoming sunny, I was now engaged in a conversation with this woman.

Seriously. All I wanted to do was make a deposit and be on my way to my office. I did not want to hear about her turning on her heat for the first time and the banging it made in the pipes as her house is an old colonial and when her mother-in-law comes over the air bubbles in the pipes make such a racket it frightens her as she lives in an apartment and she thinks someone is in the basement stalking her and when her husband is out walking the dog at night she gets a little freaked out by all the noise in the house.

At this point I lowered my head and scribbled furiously to fill out the god damn deposit slip that had turned into the bane of my existence. Bank Desk Person #1 had positioned herself at the table and waited until I was finished to say, "Oh I'll take that" and snatched the slip and check from my hands.

At this point, I'm thinking the Bank Window People are busy with drive ups and she's just providing good customer service to make my deposit at her desk and get me on my way. Because at 8:30 in the morning, the suit, pantyhose and pumps are a dead give away that I have somewhere I need to be and don't have all fucking morning to sit around and chat.

One would think.

I knew I was in trouble when she pulled out the chair in front of her desk and motioned for me to sit down. It's a straight deposit. There should be no sitting. It shouldn't take so long that there is sitting involved.

Bank Desk Person #1 starts waving over to the Bank Window Person and asking them to come and take the slip and check. At this point I realize I'd been had. There was no Exceptional Customer Service coming into play here, she just wanted to sell me something. After not getting Bank Window Person's attention, Bank Desk Person #2 comes over and takes my paperwork and sets off for the window. At which point Bank Desk Person #1 asks me if I'm aware of their "Refer A Friend" program. And I'm thinking, "Have you watched the news lately, Bitch? Do you really think I would advise anyone about what to do with their money in this, the most epic financial crisis our country has ever seen? Are you crazy or are you simply stoo-pit?"

I grit my teeth, plaster a smile on my face and explain that I know of no one who is interested in joining a new bank. Bank Desk Person #1 is clearly crushed, and I start looking to bolt. Sensing that the gig is up, Bank Desk Person #1 somberly nods in the direction of the 6 inch bullet proof glass and over comes Bank Window Person with my receipt.

It took 3 people to make my straight deposit. And conversation.

On my way out, I grabbed two handfuls of deposit slips. Won't fool me twice.

Day At The Beach

Gretchen, The Girls and I spent a lovely day at the beach a couple of weeks ago. Gretch and I packed up a cooler of libations (strictly to keep ourselves safely hydrated on a hot day) and drove to Manasquan with Barrett and Campbell. B&C haven't taken to the water in the past (mostly just wading in and cooling off, but not actually swimming). This time, Mommy (that would be me) hopped into the water and walked far enough out (rather far, considering it was low tide) and goaded The Girls into swimming out towards me. Barrett had done some swimming in the past, but Cami's experience with the water has been mostly with a life vest on while doing therapy for her blown out knees.

Not surprisingly, once Cami saw Mama in the water, she swam right out next to me. I was so proud! Barrett came out for a visit as well.
It was a lot of fun for them and I was relieved to see that my babies didn't sink like rocks.

After numerous swims in the ocean, we rested on the beach, then headed for home. Two happy chicks in the front of the truck and two tired puppies in the back.